I had done everything I knew how to do to draw as near to the heart of God as I could only to find myself out of gas on a lonely road, filled with bitterness and self-pity. To suppose that I had ended up in such a place by the grace of God required a significant leap of faith. If I could open my hands, then all that fell from them might flower on the way down. If I could let myself fall, then I too might land in a fertile place.
In the aftermath of Robin Williams' death, I read a piece by a Buddhist practitioner* who pondered whether it might sometimes help to perceive depression as one of many layers of co-mingling life-states that ebb and flow within us. Not in any way meaning to negate the inexplicable, heart-wrenching reality of mental illness or medical and mental health workers' avenues of support toward healing, might there sometimes be another way to frame the experience of depression within a context that could offer insight and hope? Jesus faced Gethsemane, the psalmist cries out from the soul's depths, and poets and spiritual leaders draw from desert and wilderness times to understand themselves and the world. Given that many wisdom paths speak of the "dark night of the soul" or befriending the dark or learning what our shadow side has to teach, what insights and hope can our faith traditions offer?
If you are in the dark, it does not mean that you have failed and that you have taken some terrible misstep. For many years I thought my questions and my doubt and my sense of God's absence were all signs of my lack of faith, but now I know this is the way the life of the spirit goes.
"Is there enough Silence for the Word to be heard?"
BLESSINGS OUT OF THE SILENCE, dear friends! FAITH is in recognizing Love's Will unfolding daily in our lives ... in the Silence ... in mysterious ways. In the depth of silence is hidden the Source of love, the Divine Guest, dwelling within every heart. Faith is the eye that unveils this sweet Treasure and illuminates its eternal love. Where is fear in such faith?Only love remains. Silent be ... and see.
The divine and flaming Word shines in the world in the silence of the soul and "moves" it. This movement is living faith and its light is hope or illumination, while all springs from the Divine Fire which is Love or union with God.
We naturally use our faith to strengthen our relationship with God, to focus our thoughts on what is good, to help us love our neighbor. I ask a lot from my faith. To me, it's not simply a place of comfort; it is a reference point from which I take the indecipherable events of my world and place them in a context that is holy, sacred, and dynamic. It won't make the world go away, but it does have the power to shape one into a person of deep sensitivity and true passion.
~ From Science of Mind, July 2002 - Randall Friesen
